The 21st.

Warning : With never ending words, NO PICTURES :x

Celebrated my one & only 21st yesterday w Eileen! cant find a word to describe my feeling.
I'm so thankful to everyone that make the trip down even thou it rained so crazy,
while some had something on before that.
Throughout this birthday, it shows me one thing, Im loved.

First was my Mommylove.
I swear she was the BEST OF THE BEST mom in this whole freaking universe.
honestly, 1/2 of this birthday wouldnt happen if not for her.
Eileen & i do was only ordering food, reply friend request & book venue.
mommylove actually think not only for me but everyone else.
she initiate to cook agar-agar, 2 big container of curry, fried noodles & rice,
she's afraid everyone dosent have enough to eat, afraid that it rain & cant bbq.
not only that, she help me pay most of it cos she knew im broke.
she'd did alot more cant list all down here.
Just wanna give mommy a never ending big tight hug.
she did too much for me.


Second was my Sec School friends.
cant express my gratitude for everyone who came down.
esp Shihui, Sinying, Luis & Cheeseng who even came down earlier esp to help me out for the deco thou in the end it was destroyed by the rain..dident even use the area too ):
Im still feeling mad guilty bout my act for Shihui bday,
i feel i dont even deserve her help for my bday actually..I feel so sorry.

Then was the rest of the sec sch friends who came.
The weather dident love me as it rained mad crazy during the evening
i was worried as there were still many of my sec sch friends that hadent come,
really afraid they might come dwn for nothing.
but still, everyone came down, getting wet. Still, they stay.
I was dejected by that time because of the weather, because i know everyone was not feeling good about this fail event either.
Instead of complaining, these friends return me with smile & supportive words i needed.
' Its ok cindy! the rain will stop & we can start everything again! ' one of them said.
what did i do that i deserve everything they do for me?? i keep asking myself.

i rmb someone asking me about where's my poly friends whereabout..
& one replied me, ' See, we are the awesome one! '
Yes, Im proud to say my Sec sch friends were the most awesome one,
& i know they are the group of them who i'll still see even after 20, 30 years..

Thou it was an advanced one,
im alreadly feeling like as if its the actual day hehe.
still feeling with overwhelming thankfulness & love.
Thou it was not perfect, but thankyou for making it to a near to perfect 21st birthday.
I LOVE YOU ALL WITH ALL MY HEART & SOUL.
Thank God for my family & friends. ♥

Blablabla.

Im thankful for my friends, family & some special ppl that i came across in life.
but sometimes i still cant figure out what this life instored for me.
felt tied down. felt a waste of time.
study for the sake of studying because w/o a cert, society probably bans you.
choosing a course of not ur top interest & still have to do it.
& ive so many unanswered questions for my near future.
i'd probably understand why ppl say to enjoy ur teenage moment,
because u might probably lose it when entering society.
im feeling it.

im partially glad my poly life its over soon.
but on the other hand, where & what should i do next?
it really suck to not have aim & dream, cos i feel like i belong to nowhere standing here in the earth.
too much going on in my brain at this time.
going back to my revision.

& i really suck at relationship.
after so long, im still in this hate-hate r/s with numbers.
someone teach me how to love?